is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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