Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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