i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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