It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
