White coat. Heels.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
