I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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