we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
