My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
