it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
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I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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