How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
