I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
