she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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