i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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