you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
