Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize