i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
where are my eyebrows?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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