And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
