She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
