sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
