he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
