How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
