Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
