He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
