That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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