So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
