you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
