I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
