I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
