How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
