My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
