You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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