We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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