He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.