he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
