I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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