One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
