then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Bring me that man meat
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
