But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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