So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
