speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
