I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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