can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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