He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
