I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
