Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa

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(406): View more from Montana

He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?

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(731): View more from Tennessee

all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.

(1-512): View more from Texas

I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.

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(518): View more from New York

No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps

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(619): View more from California

Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?

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