We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
