i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
