the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize