What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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