Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
