Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
