I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I had to cum in my sink.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
