BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
