my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
