There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
