i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
