Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She said her name was "party"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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