did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
