this boner is exhausting
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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