You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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