We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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