i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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