Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
