you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
